This is what passes for spam these days in my email account. Did I sign up to a “quietly domesticated home-owner interested in becoming a keen gardener” discussion list? Did I once give B&Q my email? Are sheds the new black market?
Whatever the reason, whatever the source, I can’t help but feel faintly insulted.
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The very day after I was almost kicked out of my house for buying Tinned Spam (I received mercy only because it turned out to be Corned Beef) this small item of genius dropped into my spam folder:
“People usually trust men who like oligarchs. Create such a role. Do you know what girls want? We do! Check out that info at our site.
I thought I knew what was coming next…
“Want to be noticed by ladies? Wear branded cufflinks. Click once and you will forget that these accessories are not original. Make a great choice.
This week has been a trove of thoroughly ridiculous spam-mail, but here are my two very favourites:
“A slim brunette with big boobs in heels from S.”
And within, a list of links to, um, questionable movies.
And from Leda Driver (a rarity in that the name matches the email address):
“Does your cock renounce to work? Bring through him ot this illness!”
Seasonal allergy symptoms get thousands of people by surprise every year.
Choose your way to your love-life’s chargers.
I’m a hoarder. I admit it freely, even if it has taken me years to face up to it. I’m also an information junkie; I have a real desire to know shit.
Both these quiet obsessions are fed obliquely by my Google Gmail account. I don’t let spam build up to be automatically deleted after 30 days, I monitor it. Possibly this is a hangover from the olden days of creating filters manually and keeping an eye open for false positives, but that is neither here nor there.
Today in my spam folder I received another one of the following pieces of accidental genius:
SPUR YOUR FERVOR!
Your girlfriend will be satisfied! Every single night. Believe me!
[NP: The Books – Be Good To Them Always]