I don’t need to cut myself some slack, I need to recognize what I’ve achieved so far. It’s essential that Istep back, see my context and recognize that I’ve achieved a lot already.

  • I’ve dropped 15 kg.
  • I regularly go to the gym (3x a week).
  • I study and practice my instrument 10x more than I ever have.
  • My bass playing has improved immensely in the last year.
  • While I’m not regularly cycling this winter, between April and October I did regularly and over long distances (30-70 miles). This was curtailed only by injury.

Sure, I’m still expecting immediate results, I’ve still not sussed out my sleep balanced, I’m still tired and still feel undermotivated, and yes it still feels like my momentum is driven by anxiety rather than by a positive energy: but I am doing what I said I would do. And that is a real thing.

For the day that’s in it.

The more frustrated I get, the more stress I feel. The more stressed I am, the more anxious I become. As my anxiety levels rise, the less confidence I have in myself, and my self-confidence is very low at the best of times. The less confident I become, the more depressed I become, the ridiculous any idea of self-worth becomes.
You can see how I’ve discovered a genuine perpetual motion machine here.

I don’t know where to start.

On top of that I compound these problems with several horrible mechanisms:

  • I want instant results.
  • I prevaricate (so many things need done, where to start, start nothing).
  • I reach an initial goal then abandon.

Baby steps.
One thing at a time.
– Break down each task to subtasks and handle all prep first and in the right order.
– Study, practice & take measured risks to assess progress *
– Reflection before & after action is important *
– “make time” rather than “find time” *

So how can I improve? Where do I start?

  • I can make time for all the things I want to do.
  • I can get up earlier to be at the gym for 8:30am.
  • I can enable this by getting to bed and ready to sleep by midnight.
  • When I can I will cycle to work.
  • I can set aside that hour after dinner to study for work.
  • I can practice my instrument for 15 mins a day, after studying.
  • On the weekends I can do study music.
  • I can aim to be studying for work 3x a week.

And that’s a simple plan.

And now, three weeks into the New Year, I’ve stuck to the 3x a week gym attendance regime for a 6 weeks. Getting up at 7am is an established thing now, preparing breakfast and lunch in the evening is bedding in. It’s going to be OK.

*some strong advice perfectly summed-up by BJC. Thank you Barry.